So drunk its hurt
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
