WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
