thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
