I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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