Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I party with great urgency now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
