oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
