hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
