i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
