He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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