Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
