Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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