My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
