Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
