She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
