have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
