Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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