Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
