I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
