is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
