I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
