The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
