apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
