Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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