apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
