i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
