It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
