you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
