Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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