out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
