i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
