I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
