there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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