Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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