Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
