I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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