dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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