and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
