He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
