thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
false alarm, still single
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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