Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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