What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
