is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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