Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
