you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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