you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
