sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Randomize
