I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
