I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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