and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
