Nicole vs. Life
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The uberlube is also flammable
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
