This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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