my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just had sex on a roof
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
