He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
